i think i have herpe
just one?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
