You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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