did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just pee around me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
