I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
