We won't sleep together?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
