you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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