I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
