Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He passed out mid-signature
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize