She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize