Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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