Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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