I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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