I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So squirting runs in the family.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize