My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
