I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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