did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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