i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize