i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
