i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
