It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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