Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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