I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
