We should be called the Road Head Warriors
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
