Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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