Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My balls are so social today.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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