come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
