i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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