So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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