Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
