i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
