It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
