Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
