If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
