too bad you live with your parents still
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
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