so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
