theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We left the knife in your bed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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