Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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