dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
