I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
