That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
