You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
