Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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