dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
