The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize