Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
