In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
