I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
