you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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