I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
