I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
