it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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