She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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