yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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