No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize