I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
