People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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