Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
