I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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