The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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