I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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