I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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