He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
