Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
