You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
