Sponge bath it is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
