i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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