just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
