Where did you get a picture of my penis
so that wasnt chicken after all
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
