life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
