the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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