I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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