Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
