Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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