I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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