Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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